Importance of a First Life - Part one
This is it: I am the most confused person there is.
I see all the possibilities of my life hanging in the air like molecules of Rainbow Brite's star sprinkles. (She colors the world, right?) The possibilities are tiny lights of job offers and career opportunities that keep blinking and burning out as I watch, too unorganized and overstimulated to snatch one out of the air. It's a nice show, but it's not getting me anywhere, which is further paralyzing.
As a high school senior, I remember working so hard on my college applications. They had taken on a life of their own. I was just on auto-pilot. At the time I think I was doing it because I felt I was just supposed to and because I wanted to make my parents happy. But I didn't actually have any idea what I was doing, why I was doing it and where it was supposed to take me...Did I even want to be where it took me? My parents would have loved me anyway.
There are no regrets there, but since then I have done a lot of the same: doing things because I was supposed to. Somehow, Society got in and planted these ideas about what I was supposed to do in my life. These thoughts dictate my life. It is easy to cover your eyes and follow the rainbow road that is laid out for you like a bed sheet or picnic blanket - a quick flick of the wrist and a foundation is laid, covering what no one wants to sleep on, brunch on. As far as I can tell, most of us shuffle down this path, but we are not happy. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. But the three year old in me wants to know: why, why, why?
I need a plan, man. I need a way to break out of these transplanted thoughts. The thoughts can only be time bombs in my brain - that is not a light show I would survive. A decision must be made. When all these star sprinkle possibilities are gone, when I give up on snatching one out of the sky, give up committing to only a possibility of lively success and follow the path I know is concrete, then what? Creative death? But also an end to anxiety and indecision?
Insert Jeopardy theme music here.
Rainbow Brite has a lot of star sprinkles. I have a lot of talents. There are a lot of possibilities out there for everyone. How do we get there? How do I get to do all the things I want to do in my life, from hanging with my kidos to making money to traveling the world to leaving my mark...Hey big bad Society, you've told me what I'm supposed to do. Riding a unicorn through my life while making the skies blue for my children - now tell me how that is done?
I see all the possibilities of my life hanging in the air like molecules of Rainbow Brite's star sprinkles. (She colors the world, right?) The possibilities are tiny lights of job offers and career opportunities that keep blinking and burning out as I watch, too unorganized and overstimulated to snatch one out of the air. It's a nice show, but it's not getting me anywhere, which is further paralyzing.As a high school senior, I remember working so hard on my college applications. They had taken on a life of their own. I was just on auto-pilot. At the time I think I was doing it because I felt I was just supposed to and because I wanted to make my parents happy. But I didn't actually have any idea what I was doing, why I was doing it and where it was supposed to take me...Did I even want to be where it took me? My parents would have loved me anyway.
There are no regrets there, but since then I have done a lot of the same: doing things because I was supposed to. Somehow, Society got in and planted these ideas about what I was supposed to do in my life. These thoughts dictate my life. It is easy to cover your eyes and follow the rainbow road that is laid out for you like a bed sheet or picnic blanket - a quick flick of the wrist and a foundation is laid, covering what no one wants to sleep on, brunch on. As far as I can tell, most of us shuffle down this path, but we are not happy. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. But the three year old in me wants to know: why, why, why?
I need a plan, man. I need a way to break out of these transplanted thoughts. The thoughts can only be time bombs in my brain - that is not a light show I would survive. A decision must be made. When all these star sprinkle possibilities are gone, when I give up on snatching one out of the sky, give up committing to only a possibility of lively success and follow the path I know is concrete, then what? Creative death? But also an end to anxiety and indecision?
Insert Jeopardy theme music here.
Rainbow Brite has a lot of star sprinkles. I have a lot of talents. There are a lot of possibilities out there for everyone. How do we get there? How do I get to do all the things I want to do in my life, from hanging with my kidos to making money to traveling the world to leaving my mark...Hey big bad Society, you've told me what I'm supposed to do. Riding a unicorn through my life while making the skies blue for my children - now tell me how that is done?
posted by J.Helen Shaw at 8:04 AM
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