In Memory
(My grandfather passed away Thursday. Tomorrow, I will deliver the following speech/writing at his funeral).
For those of you who do not know me, I am Jennifer Shaw. I am the first child of the fourth child or eighth grandchild by birth order of Charles and Elizabeth Graham. I am a third generation Graham in this time in our family’s history.
If names suit you better than numbers, I am Patricia’s daughter, who we affectionately call Janey, who is the third and last daughter born to Charlie and Bets. She is the daughter born just after Margaret, who we affectionately call Peg, but just before John who would like you all to know him as the “favorite son.” (I’m glad some of you are paying attention).
The bottom line – for those of you who still can’t unravel our family tree – is that I am proud to be a Graham. And I am proud and so grateful to know a Graham – especially the one who brings us here this morning in celebration of life.
I’m sure we each remember Old Dad differently, but what is important now in his absence is what we can remember and share together.
Before I continue, please close your eyes, if you dare, allow yourself a deep breath and take a light-hearted moment of silence or laughter to remember our Charlie Graham, the man.
(PAUSE)
I remember how he’d hunt everyone down as soon as we got in at family parties for a hello kiss or a good-old-boy thunk on the shoulder and a vise-worthy handshake. I remember, “Hey, Sam-bo,” he’d say to me, “Are you going to say ‘hi’ to me?” or “Where’s my kiss?” I always appreciated being found in a house of more than forty noisy Grahams, and there is something to be said for a man who is sure to welcome you when you walk into a room.
And I remember, as a child at those parties, if you didn’t lick your dinner plate clean like a dog or find a bush to scrape your leftovers in while no one was looking, you’d hear about it from him as soon as he saw the crust of your once turkey sandwich. “Eat that,” he’d say.
And remember the constant humming? (Although really you couldn’t call it humming because there was nothing musical about it). He was what I know my mother – Patricia or Janey, the fourth child and third daughter born to Charlie and Bets – would call: a true character.
I remember the way Grandfather owned every chair he sat in. He always allowed himself a slight satisfied recline but with both feet firmly on the floor – watching us as we all scurried around, watching and sitting as if he knew how secretly smitten with him we all were. I remember his arms and hands covering every inch of arm rest. And that is how I will always think of him.
In his life, Charles Edward Graham Jr., Daddy-dear, Grandfather, Old Dad, was many things to many people – entrepreneur, confidant, dance partner, business associate, friend – but when I close my eyes and think of the man, humming, of course, I will see Old Dad sitting as a king on his throne, surrounded by one self-described patient wife, seven doting children, a dozen plus well loved grandchildren and ever increasing great and great-great grand children…Past and future Grahams in plenty.
For us, he was the leader of the Graham Clan, our pride, and for me a teacher of generosity, consequently gratitude, and of love.
In this spirit I hope that at the reception and many times after, each of you will joyfully share one of your memories of Charles Edward Graham Jr. with someone – family, friend or stranger – so we might help each other remember him and honor his life with our love and fond memories.
But more importantly, I ask that we remember Grandfather so we might encourage each other to live with a dignity and grace that would only make those that pass before us – like Old Dad – proud to be a Graham and proud to say they knew you in life.
Thank you.
For those of you who do not know me, I am Jennifer Shaw. I am the first child of the fourth child or eighth grandchild by birth order of Charles and Elizabeth Graham. I am a third generation Graham in this time in our family’s history.
If names suit you better than numbers, I am Patricia’s daughter, who we affectionately call Janey, who is the third and last daughter born to Charlie and Bets. She is the daughter born just after Margaret, who we affectionately call Peg, but just before John who would like you all to know him as the “favorite son.” (I’m glad some of you are paying attention).
The bottom line – for those of you who still can’t unravel our family tree – is that I am proud to be a Graham. And I am proud and so grateful to know a Graham – especially the one who brings us here this morning in celebration of life.
I’m sure we each remember Old Dad differently, but what is important now in his absence is what we can remember and share together.
Before I continue, please close your eyes, if you dare, allow yourself a deep breath and take a light-hearted moment of silence or laughter to remember our Charlie Graham, the man.
(PAUSE)
I remember how he’d hunt everyone down as soon as we got in at family parties for a hello kiss or a good-old-boy thunk on the shoulder and a vise-worthy handshake. I remember, “Hey, Sam-bo,” he’d say to me, “Are you going to say ‘hi’ to me?” or “Where’s my kiss?” I always appreciated being found in a house of more than forty noisy Grahams, and there is something to be said for a man who is sure to welcome you when you walk into a room.
And I remember, as a child at those parties, if you didn’t lick your dinner plate clean like a dog or find a bush to scrape your leftovers in while no one was looking, you’d hear about it from him as soon as he saw the crust of your once turkey sandwich. “Eat that,” he’d say.
And remember the constant humming? (Although really you couldn’t call it humming because there was nothing musical about it). He was what I know my mother – Patricia or Janey, the fourth child and third daughter born to Charlie and Bets – would call: a true character.
I remember the way Grandfather owned every chair he sat in. He always allowed himself a slight satisfied recline but with both feet firmly on the floor – watching us as we all scurried around, watching and sitting as if he knew how secretly smitten with him we all were. I remember his arms and hands covering every inch of arm rest. And that is how I will always think of him.
In his life, Charles Edward Graham Jr., Daddy-dear, Grandfather, Old Dad, was many things to many people – entrepreneur, confidant, dance partner, business associate, friend – but when I close my eyes and think of the man, humming, of course, I will see Old Dad sitting as a king on his throne, surrounded by one self-described patient wife, seven doting children, a dozen plus well loved grandchildren and ever increasing great and great-great grand children…Past and future Grahams in plenty.
For us, he was the leader of the Graham Clan, our pride, and for me a teacher of generosity, consequently gratitude, and of love.
In this spirit I hope that at the reception and many times after, each of you will joyfully share one of your memories of Charles Edward Graham Jr. with someone – family, friend or stranger – so we might help each other remember him and honor his life with our love and fond memories.
But more importantly, I ask that we remember Grandfather so we might encourage each other to live with a dignity and grace that would only make those that pass before us – like Old Dad – proud to be a Graham and proud to say they knew you in life.
Thank you.
posted by J.Helen Shaw at 9:57 PM
